TikTok ‘Crush’ Trend Has Negative Effects On Self-Esteem, Expert Says

Posted: June 10, 2024

A viral TikTok trend has emerged, showcasing the extreme lengths people go to impress their crushes. With over 160 million posts, the trend reveals the sometimes humorous and often revealing actions individuals take to appeal to their love interests’ preferences. From changing their appearance to adopting new hobbies, TikTok users are sharing their experiences in attempting to win over their crushes.

One particularly viral video, with nearly 23 million views, depicts a woman attempting to emulate Ariana Grande after learning her crush liked the pop star. The video elicited mixed reactions, with one commenter expressing both embarrassment and admiration for her efforts.

Relationship expert Nicole Moore spoke to Newsweek about the deeper psychological implications of such behavior. “The thing about a crush is, it almost always crushes our sense of self in some way,” Moore explained. “If you believe you have to change who you fundamentally are to win a crush over, you’re basically telling yourself that you are not good enough to be loved as you are.”

Another popular video, by @becksandquest, showcases the creator dressing and behaving like a “skater girl” after her crush expressed a preference for that style. The clip underscores the lengths people will go to capture the attention of their love interests.

While many of these videos are lighthearted, Moore points out that the desperate longing for a crush’s affection often stems from deep-seated insecurity. “An interesting thing about crushes is that they almost always serve as a distraction mechanism to avoid one’s own feelings of insecurity or fear,” she noted. “Often, those who crush the hardest are harboring deep-seated feelings of insecurity.”

Moore explained that crushes differ from typical love interests due to the intense feelings of longing, desire, and infatuation they evoke. However, she cautioned against sacrificing one’s authentic self in pursuit of someone else’s affection. “The more you try to please your crush, the less likely they will be to want to be with you long-term,” Moore warned. “Pleasing to the detriment of oneself often comes across as insecurity, which is typically unattractive in romance.”

To maintain a sense of self while navigating a crush, Moore advised individuals to stay connected to their “true self” and recognize their inherent value. “If you love who you are and have a strong sense of self, you’ll be open to another’s presence or desires, but not if they lead you too far away from your core essence,” she emphasized.

Ultimately, Moore stressed that changing fundamental aspects of oneself to win someone’s affection means they do not truly love the real person. “If you have to change who you fundamentally are to win love, you’re not really winning that person’s love anyway,” she concluded, underscoring the importance of self-acceptance and authenticity in relationships.